Surrogacy Done Ethically

In this article, we seek to explore the arguments for and against surrogacy.  In the interest of objectivity, we will consider all positive and negative angles.  It can be an emotive subject for obvious reasons, as we cannot escape the fact that surrogacy gives hope to individuals and couples who would not otherwise be able to create a family of their own.  It also comes with complex social, moral, ethical, and legal issues that must be considered.  However, when surrogacy is practiced ethically and with a solid legal foundation, surrogates’ and intended parents’ rights are protected and respected equally.

 

Regarding the types of surrogacies, they typically fall into two categories.  They may be compensated or uncompensated – depending upon whether the surrogate receives financial consideration for her pain and suffering during and after the pregnancy.  If a surrogate receives money for the arrangement, it is considered compensated.  If she receives no compensation beyond reimbursement of her medical and other pregnancy-related expenses, along with the insurance coverage for her, it is referred to as uncompensated. 

 

Some articles refer to altruistic and commercial surrogacy.  However, it can be argued that all surrogates are altruistic.  Money can sometimes be a motivation, but in a similar vein, money also motivates other vocational roles, such as doctors, nurses, or people who work for charities for a salary.  By its very nature, every surrogate puts her heart and soul into the pregnancy as she nurtures the little being developing inside her.  The definition of “Altruistic”: is the selfless concern for the well-being of others, unselfish, embodies EVERY surrogate.  Each surrogate is a unique, beautiful person, and our world should honor and adore every one of them.

 

In one of my consultations, an intended parent seemed scornful of surrogates and did not want to get to know her.   I asked her, “How many people do you know?”  Surprise showed on her face.  “Okay, I will help you.   Can we agree you probably know somewhere from 5 to 200 people?” I asked.  Still with a look of consternation on her face, she nods.  “Out of that many people, how many do you think are nice people, people you want to share a meal with?”  I inquired.  “Could we agree that at least 20-50, but probably more?”  Again, the nodding of the head, but now the expression is more of confusion and annoyance.   “So,” I continue, “you know at least 200 people, of which at least 50 you would consider sharing a meal with and spending time with.  But it is interesting that none of them will help you have a family.  You are asking a stranger to offer you a helping hand in achieving one of the most precious and important journeys of your life.  But despite all this, you have no interest in sharing a meal with this gracious surrogate or getting to know her.”  That magical moment – now the intended mom got it.   I can see confusion, embarrassment, and acceptance on her face.   Our conversation goes on to what she can do to make this journey as pleasant as possible for her lovely surrogate. 

 

Surrogacy is something unimaginably beautiful and can be undertaken ethically, and here are some thoughts for consideration:

 

Qualifying Criteria

 

• Surrogates must be older than 25 years.
• Surrogates must have given birth to at least one child and has, or is, raising that child.
• Surrogates must have a history of uncomplicated pregnancy or pregnancies and their delivery records (if they can be obtained) must be approved by a qualified doctor at the fertility clinic.
• A Surrogate must be a legal citizen or resident of the country where she signs the contract.
• A life insurance policy covering her should be active before she begins any medication or undergoes an embryo transfer, whichever is sooner. The beneficiaries of this life insurance policy must be her family.
• The identity of the intended parents and surrogate must be known to each other. If there is any doubt that either party would use this information to benefit themselves financially, the parties should not enter into an agreement with each other.

 

 

Mental Health Counseling

 

• The intended parent(s) and the surrogate should each participate in at least one counseling session before participating in surrogacy.
• A surrogate should undergo a psychological consultation, an evaluation, and testing before participating. Her partner (husband or significant other) should join her for part of the consultation.  However, the surrogate should also have a private, one-on-one consultation with the counselor.  The counseling sessions are more than just about evaluation but also about educating her and her partner on the process, the risks, her expectations of the process, and the kind of relationship they can expect or desire between her and the intended parents.  This consultation will be instrumental in offering proof that the surrogate voluntarily participated in surrogacy.
• A process should also be arranged so the surrogate’s partner can talk to the counselor privately if the partner does not want her to be a surrogate. Similarly, a process needs to be discussed to provide a means to inform the counselor of her mental health situation or developments during the pregnancy.
• Surrogates should undergo psychological testing to assist the counselor in developing a relationship, which will help get a clearer understanding of who she is and her thought processes.